Coming out: the jester’s principle
In the last few weeks I’ve been working on a website-related project with an old friend I had lost touch with about fifteen years ago, when my Ayzad persona was much less prominent than today. Since he wasn’t aware of my interests, one of the first things we had to discuss was my current activity as an alternative sexuality expert. This being Italy I cautiously broke the news not knowing what his reaction might be: in my whole career only a few people didn’t accept it, but fundamentalists can be anywhere and I learned the hard way to look out for them.
It turned out that he loves my work. In fact, he does so much that now he can’t wait for my almost daily news posts, who he has lots of fun with. «I just wonder» he said a few days ago «how can you find the time to do more serious work if you keep following all of those oddball news?»
This is a good objection. Spending a few hours every day to search for extreme sex resorts and ridiculous sport occurrences may seem enjoyable but a waste of time, after all. Wouldn’t it be better to use them to finish my next, long-due book, or to put in morecoach work? Reality is however quite different. In my view, all those stories about strange erotic practices, perversions or plain dirty jokes serve a greater and not too hidden purpose.
What you laugh about with your friends or colleagues during your coffee breaks is in fact a virus, spreading every time someone retells those stories to another incredulous person. It is a mutagen, changing your brain and opening it to the notion and the possibility of infinite ways to color your sexuality. It is not a disease epidemic, but the cure and the vaccine to a standard, repressive and narrow view of what sex “should” be like.
I am not advocating to become a furry or a brony, nor I want you to try any high tech erotic toy if you don’t feel inclined to. Consensuality is after all the cornerstone of sensuality and what you do in your bedroom is really none of my business. I do believe, however, that if you know the story of the Chevalier d’Eon or the actual number ofLGBT people in the world, you simply won’t feel guilty for your own little kinks. Don’t you think that a better diversity culture would prevent tragedies like the many kids who kill themselves for being gay?
Research has proven that if more people knew what BDSM is and how to safely explore their instincts the rate of violent sexual crimes would dramatically decrease. Similarly, being aware of the actual skills required in bondage play makes the best prevention of the unfortunately frequent accidents we read about in the news. Ditto for acknowledging the reality of sexually transmitted diseases.
What I am doing here is to open a window through which my readers can glimpse a broader world view, and I fully support the idea that any learning should be as fun as informative. Think of it as another iteration of the jester’s principle: while you laugh for the silliness, you are also questioning your certainties – and a healthy dose of doubt is always good for your mind.
If you want to experience a more serious – but hopefully not boring – side of me you can always meet me in my capacity as a writer, speaker or consultant. In the meantime, have fun with the news.