The nice guys at Dom-Unique asked me for an overview of the Italian Bdsm scene, and of the Milanese one specifically - and this is what they got. In my real profession I'm used not to embellish things up needlessly, and this somehow merciless article got me quite badmouthed by some. Well, that's life. But I really hope to have kinder words for our local scene soon...


SO, WHAT'S THE ITALIAN BDSM SCENE LIKE?

Italy is, from a BDSM point of view, a country in transition between two historical phases. The first is the centuries-long stranglehold by the catholic church, which imposed repressive morals still deeply felt by quite everybody - even the non-religious types - outside the larger cities and by those over thirty or so in the major metropolitan areas. The latter is the Nineties abandon to a much more relaxed attitude, initiated both by the explosive success of the fashion industry and a "panem et circenses" strategy by the ruling politicians (and media moguls), who deliberately keep dumbing down the restless people through a multimedia tits & asses overload. The result is widespread access to alternative sexuality resources by an uneducated mass which is still largely awed by the concept of "forbidden perversion".


This means that in Italy you can find plenty of sex (and quite a load of "kinky sex") but not much of a serious BDSM community. Beginning in the year 2000, most of the more motivated players have founded online BDSM communities (Manettematte, Smack, Bdsm Realm, Femdom Italia) where lifestylers converged - surrounded by thousands of noisy clueless wannabes. This in turn has started a tradition of public and semipublic informal gatherings (usually of a gastronomic nature) between selected members of the online communities: those are the events you want to check, as there you can find all "the right people", who'll be happy to give you pointers to the places and events better suited to your tastes. A list of the almost-daily meetings is kept on a rolling banner in Manettematte.
The most important cities BDSM-wise are Milano (north of the country, see below) and Roma (center), where the most clubs, shops and interesting places are. Please keep in mind that most Italian people only have a very basic grasp of the English language, and contrary to popular belief Spanish IS NOT "almost the same language": people won't understand a word!
Mainstream Italian fashion shops tend to sell many items which would be considered "fetish-y" in other countries, but actual Fetish/BDSM-oriented shops are few (try the amazing Sex Sade in Milano). One of the best shop quality-wise is online only, at My Realities.

Milano is the most active Italian city BDSM-wise, hosting at least three official events a month, plus countless informal meetings and private parties - well-introduced players usually complain they can't attend them all, as everyone needs some sleep after all! Rest assured, so much action doesn't equal a play frenzy yet. In fact, most of the meetings are about discussing some way to get a bit of real quality time among the noise.


The problem mainly lies in the lack of a proper S/M culture and Scene in Italy. After decades of very few serious players meeting sparsely, the advent of the Internet led the way for hundreds of clueless wannabes popping up everywhere in search of an easy, "weird" fuck - not quite the attitude for a good S/M atmosphere. And to compound the damage, there are several websites/communities/whatever trying to claim some sort of leadership on the Milanese scene - but actually just dividing up people in pointless factions, each one claiming to be the "real BDSM" one. Childish, but true.


The bottom line is that to somehow get in touch with the players and lifestylers the best course of action is to check out each major event, trying to keep oneself outside of petty rivalries in order to be able to pick the best in each group. The venues you'll want to check are:


Informal meetings:
- The "Aperelli" (dinnersnacks) organized by Manettematte
- The munches organized by Bdsm Realm


BDSM parties:
- The monthly parties held at Nautilus Club (Via Mondovì 7 - tel. 02/227201984)
- The monthly Revolution Bdsm performance and play party, just out of town


Kinky parties:
- The fetish/gangbang parties organized by Italian Swingers
And of course any flavour-of-the-month party that might come up. You can usually find their advertisments posted up at Sex Sade (via Secchi - tel. 02/20241193), a great fetish boutique where Milanese pervies often happen to converge (see review by Pussylash).


The best way to find/place ads for playpartners is to check La Gabbia, the grandaddy of the Italian BDSM sites which is steadily losing its luster, but remains a (free) mine for contacts. Be warned: its updates are very erratic, and once again most ads are of the wannabe variety - your best bet is probably to send in your ad with a few weeks' advance and screen the answers before getting into town, instead of answering them yourself. The leatherfolks will be better off checking out Lc Milano, the official local Leather Club site. Another contact source is a paper called Secondamano - but almost all of the ads you'll find in it will be promoting prodommes. The only proper Italian BDSM paper magazine is called "ClubStories" and it can occasionally be a good source for contacts, but keep in mind that it is run by one single, overworked person, so its publishing dates aren't exactly what you'd call dependable. The editor, by the way, is a legend in the Italian BDSM Scene since the Eighties: his name is Fulvio Brumatti and he is usually very helpful to newcomers - if you stumble on the right time to phone him up.
Finally, combing the Links sections on my website you should find several pointers to shops and special interest communities, both in Milano and the rest of Italy.

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