Alien was nothing – involuntary necrozoophilia

(c) Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

If you think that researching unusual sex is the best job in the world, constantly surrounded by seductive girls wishing to experiment new pleasures… well, you are right. But there are also occupational downsides – such as stumbling on news like this.

According to this paper published by Journal of parasitology, one of the creepiest sexual experiences you may have consists of a form of involuntary zoophilia. With a dead animal. An aggressive one. And a really ugly one, to be honest.

It seems that to make insemination easier in the hostile conditions of deep seas, squids don’t ejaculate sperm directly, but as solid structures called ‘spermatophores’ that pierce the females’ tissues, hold on and release the genetic material inside. Nothing too strange there – especially if you already had to study how snails copulate. But let’s stay focused.

Fact is, spermatophores are quite resilient, and if the squid is not cleaned thoroughly there is a risk that they can even survive cooking. If you are thinking Alien you are on the right track. As demonstrated by the research in question, there have been cases of people (especially in Korea, a country with a strongly punitive concept of cuisine) that after a quick calamari snack felt a strange pain in their gums and tongue, and had to undergo surgery to get the still working spermatophores removed.

Of course every sensible form of cooking has the internal organs of cephalopods eliminated. But I’m betting you’ll never look at the fishmonger’s in the same way.